Society for the Conservation of Gravity

Top scientists agree that with the present rate of consumption, the earth's supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 24th century. As man struggles to discover cheaper alternatives, we need your help. Please...


Follow these simple suggestions:

  1. Walk with a light step. Carry helium balloons if possible.

  2. Use tape, magnets, or glue instead of paperweights.

  3. Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like curling.

  4. Avoid showers .. take baths instead.

  5. Don't hang all your clothes in the closet ... Keep them in one big pile.

  6. Stop flipping pancakes.

Purpose of the Society

Despite the extraordinary emphasis that physicists place on the conservation of various physical quantities such as momentum and energy, most neglect or even deny the fundamental importance of conservation of that all important physical quantity, gravity.

Our society is dedicated to the reeducation of people the world over, and in particular those condescending physics people who keep laughing at us.

We also run a recycling center for bad jokes and mismatched cliches, which otherwise breed like beetles and ruin people's gravity.

N.B. Part of this work has been shamelessly stolen from the Unix program "fortune." If you know the original author, please contact them and humiliate them (preferably publicly) for putting such obviously valuable material in the public domain.


to the Society's Archives of Wisdom, otherwise known as "Durable Utterances on Sociable Transformations," to which we all periodically return.

"Lighter people have longer periods." --Founding Orator Oliver Lightfoot

Other links with great gravity...

(Oh, get a life, will you?)